you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
