goodnight i made you a song goodbye
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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