my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
