FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
