i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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