god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
