got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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