Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize