The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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