His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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