im holly from the hills drunk
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
