Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
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I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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