And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
