I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I love you. Go after that dick
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
