If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
