I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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