I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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