im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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