I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
