You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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