If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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