The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The adults are the big ones right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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