He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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