He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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