I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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