If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
