To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
