he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
