his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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