News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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