I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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