I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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