I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
