I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
