...so i touched it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize