See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
