All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
