I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
