I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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