I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
