If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
