so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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