I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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