She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
