a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
