This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
