fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
