I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
