WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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