: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you had me at cake vodka
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
