I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
