You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
