just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
