Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
