If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
