I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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