I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
