saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
