The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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