Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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