I'm going to rape someone's good day.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
