No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
