i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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