Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
