Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
