About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
